So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
