already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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