what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You made out with two different species that night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
