Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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