why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
