i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
