he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
