State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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