The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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