WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
