were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
