were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
