Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
