Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize