Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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