I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
