Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
