I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
