I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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