i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
