did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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