i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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