she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
