Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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