Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
