I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my phone needs a breathalizer
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
