I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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