Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
time to smoke my breakfast
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
