I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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