Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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