the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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