that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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