If that was your dad, he is hot
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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