K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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