never play flip cup with pint glasses
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
