Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
