Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He felt like a one man threesome
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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