Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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