You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
