she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
