some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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