When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
