I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.