If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
