I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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