Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
