I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize