I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
