Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
