Got a toothbrush?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
