you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
