The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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