im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
