Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You are the jesus of drinking
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
