This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
