Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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