After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
