The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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