I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
