I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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