is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
