My Higher Power is John Stamos
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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