Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
