i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize