shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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