im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
