I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
