Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
