I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
