I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
