i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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