i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
